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The 5 love languages - a way to keep love alive

Posted by Ann Randrup on 2013.03.13

Treatments : Family councelling, Coaching, Counseling, Couple Therapy

Issues : Sexuality, Love, Marital/relationship issues, Negative pattern

We all need love. And even though we really want to it can be hard to keep the love alive between you and your partner. We often give what we want to receive. But maybe that is not what your partner is longing for. Maybe you are different in the way you feel and express love. Try to learn your partner’s language - It will pay off…


Also take a moment to consider what is your main languages and how can you express your needs in a clear and concrete way – nagging can have the total opposite effect of what you was hoping for...


Here is a little summery of the 5 love languages. They are simple yet an effective tool to keep the love alive - and they are easy to recognize and learn:


Physical Touch

This is not all about the bedroom. If his is your primary language you are very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – will all be ways to show concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and very hurtful.


Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything to help and ease the burdens will speak volumes. The words you most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” or "Let me help you." Laziness, broken commitments, or making a mess and more work will tell you that your feelings don’t matter.


Quality Time

For you nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there is critical, but really being there – with the TV or phone off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes you feel truly special and loved. If your partner fails to listen or cancel dates it can be especially hurtful. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.


Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, compliments and verbal appreciation mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life giving.


Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; this is about the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. The perfect gift or gesture shows love and care and makes you feel valued above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.


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